Grieving During The Holiday Seasons
“Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss. Because it is a reflection of what we love, it can feel all-encompassing. Grief is not limited to the loss of people, but when it follows the loss of a loved one, it may be compounded by feelings of guilt and confusion, especially if the relationship was a difficult one.”
- Psychology Today
What Now
You’ve made it through another year around the sun, another lapsing of time and waining of the moons. However, finding the words and space to tell others that this year is different can be hard. Understanding that during this time of year can be a very tremulous time, not just from the stresses of seeing family but travel, preparing and the ending of the work year.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
We all go through our own steps of grief, not always in the same stages as others and sometimes different in each of our cultures and upbringings. As a way to be mindful of these differences here are a few of tips I’ve read, been told and talked about with my therapists.
Acknowledging your feelings. Allow yourself to have SPACE; a safe space to be more specific. To let yourself talk, write, feel all the feelings that you need to.
Some may even take this one step further and allow themselves to create a repeating moment, place, or time to allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings. In religious circumstances you may be attending prayers, going to their home, and many other ways. As well as rituals by many indigenous cultures where it is a form of showing respect, love and understanding of the passing of your loved one’s soul.
Combating the need to isolate. Although not everyone may need this reminder but knowing that in some circumstances you should avoid wanting to isolate from others. If you are struggling or finding it difficult during this time finding someone to listen to you (a friend, family member, a counselor or therapist, etc) can be one of the most cathartic experiences that may be all you need. While others find a grieving group ideal for their personal needs as well as circumstance. See what works best for you even if that means taking time to find it.
Professional help. Finding a therapist can help you even more if there are memories, words and past experiences you need to talk about that need closure. Allowing them to help you feel what brought up these feelings and see how to resolve it when the person has passed.
More options. A personal perspective on this as someone who has used movement to help me release more physical responses to past pains and trigger points, finding gentle poses to release growing tension is another great way to let your grief move through your body. As everything is connected, movement can help move those somatic and sensory responses your body will natural have in a state of stress and pain.
People with wider hips may find hip stretches and deep breathing techniques a beneficial practice to use to get a release of emotions or stress.
People with narrow hips may find that moving your ball and socket joints a way to relieve the body of your stress, tension and emotions.
Basically the more release your body can find the easier you may find it to feel your emotions.
Deep breathing. Where your ribs expand in all planes of motion can be a significant way to release and relax our famous vagus nerve. This is attached to our diaphragm and can help you get even deeper into relief and feeling your feelings.
Implementing Techniques
Now the hard part is when you feel you need assistance is a good time to allow yourself to use some of these techniques to help you grieve. It is a process and it can take time but knowing that there are gentler ways to process it can make it easier over time. Start small and don’t worry on the specifics. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, others or need further assistance a few resources are listed here:
Suicide Prevention & Counseling Center https://didihirsch.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org/
Suicide - Hotlines - LA County Department of Public Health http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/ivpp/injury_topics/Suicide/suicide_hotlines.htm